The Little Girl Inside Me Who Had to Rebuild Herself

Lana Speakz
Dec 18, 2025
3 min read

There is a little girl inside of me I used to ignore. Not because I didn’t care about her, But because I didn’t know she was still there. She was the one who survived everything I now talk about as an adult. She was the one who learned the rules of danger before she learned the rules of love. She was the one who rebuilt herself long before I ever understood the meaning of healing.

For a long time, I thought growing up meant leaving her behind. But healing has taught me the truth: You don’t outgrow the child who saved you. You learn how to make her feel safe.

She Grew Up Before She Was Finished Being a Child

The little girl inside me learned things too early:

That people can leave you. That love can feel inconsistent. That safety is not promised. That silence might mean protection. That tears won’t guarantee someone will come. That trust is a privilege, not a right.

She learned how to:

Scan for danger before she scanned for comfort
Pretend she was okay so no one worried
Be strong so no one saw the cracks
Overthink as a way to stay alive emotionally
Carry responsibilities she had no business carrying

That little girl was exhausted before adulthood even arrived. But she kept going. She kept surviving. She kept hoping. Even when no one noticed what it cost her.

She Didn’t Know When She Became an Adult

I became a grown woman on paper, but inside, she was still working. Still guarding. Still waiting for something to go wrong. Some of my habits weren’t “me” at all —they were her, still trying to protect us:

The need to control everything
The fear of being abandoned
The panic when someone doesn’t respond
The pressure to do everything alone
The discomfort when things feel “too good”
The quiet belief that safety is temporary

Adults call these patterns. Children call these survival.

Healing Began the Day I Told Her: “You’re Safe Now.”

I had to go back and find her —the girl who never got the chance to rest. I had to sit with her fears instead of explaining them away. I had to let her cry instead of acting like she was overreacting. I had to reassure her gently: “You don’t have to protect us anymore. I’ve got it from here.” And slowly, she believed me. Not because the world suddenly became safe, but because the woman she grew into finally became strong enough to keep her safe.

Rebuilding Ourselves Together

Rebuilding isn’t about erasing the girl who survived. It’s about showing her what thriving looks like. These days, I let her:

Trust a little more
Rest without guilt
Feel joy without fear
Receive love instead of just giving it
Believe she deserves softness
Accept that safety can last
Understand that being cared for is not a trap

She doesn’t have to scan every room. She doesn’t have to perform strength. She doesn’t have to expect abandonment as the natural outcome of connection. She can breathe now. She can play now. She can heal now. Because I am here. And I’m not leaving her.