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My Self Love Journey!

Updated: Aug 19, 2021

Happy Sunday! On my social media outlets (Lana The Influencer, LLC) I post a different topic each week and I go into further detail with My Monday Story. A few weeks ago, I touched on the topic Self Love. You see the little girl pictured below. Isn't she a cutie? Sadly to say, I honestly felt the opposite while growing up. In this blog, I will be discussing my journey and how I can FINALLY say, "I love me" AND also can actually believe it. Once again, WELCOME to my blog, and let's get right into it.

Why Was It Hard To LOVE Me?

I used to ask myself this question every single day! Have you ever wondered the same thing? I cannot remember where my self-doubt or insecurities started BUT I do believe my childhood was definitely a factor. I know each person's story is different and we all have not had to deal with the same trauma or no trauma at all. So for me, my trauma at one point destroyed me. Childhood trauma is real and it can be a lifelong struggle to overcome. Here is a great article that can help you understand the effects of childhood trauma: Treating the Effects of Childhood Trauma.

I grew up in a home where I rarely saw love, motivation, and the feeling of being safe. I can truly say I was terrified for most of my younger life due to the abuse in my home. My mother had a way of giving harsh physical punishments and she was verbally abusive as well. I can remember several situations where she told me I would never amount to anything (EX: you're not smart enough, you're going to be on the street and be a hoe just like your mother) and that she never should have adopted me. The words, "I Love You" were never used in my home. I also remember rarely receiving hugs as a child. You all know the saying, "Hurt people, hurt people". I can remember my mother saying that her mother never gave her hugs either.

On a positive note, my mother was a great cook and she used to make the BEST pancakes. Funny thing is, pancakes are my favorite food to this day. Nobody can make pancakes like her and I love her regardless of what happened in my childhood.

The trauma that I experienced as a child had certain and specific effects on me. I could never trust anyone fully, I thought I was not worthy of love and I could not love myself. I allowed so many people (who were good to me) to leave my life and I held on to the people (who did not care for me) that I shouldn't have. I learned a few hard lessons along the way to figure out I was the problem too. I would be pushy, verbally abusive, and insecure all the time. I can say I was a bit TOO much. Do you remember when I said, "Hurt people,